Sex Toys You Can Make Discreetly at Home!

June 4, 2011 sexyknees

Showing off on the patio. If you know where to look you can see me during my photo shoots! Kinda boring, though.

This blog is aimed primarily at men whom are too timid to venture into an adult store or too scrutinized to buy items online.

When I was younger, I really didn’t know that you could go down the street and purchase sex toys at a store (plus, it would have been illegal for me to walk through the door).  Also, the internet did not exist.  The end result is that I became very creative at finding ways to pleasure myself using innocent household items.  For instance, I used tons of hair mousse, hair spray, shampoo, and conditioner (it was the ’80’s)  and for some reason many of the bottles resembled dildos.  In fact, if you take a close look at the current range of Bed Head brand of hair products, quite a few of their containers look exactly like sex toys!  With a little tweaking for internal safety (such as ensuring that the cap would remain secure to prevent the puncturing of internal organs) my arsenal of hair supplies wound up deep inside my body and produced massive internal orgasms for many years.

Food is another cheap and inconspicuous way to have fun.  Consider zucchini, cucumbers, and some forms of squash.  Just be sure to smooth away anything prickly and use a condom!!!  Trust me, if you don’t you will certainly not enjoy the experience as much as you would otherwise (unless you are a masochist).  Frozen hot dogs are great – especially if you use more than one – as well as sausages, but again be sure to use a condom to protect yourself from foodborne illnesses.  At Asian markets, you can also find bull penis for sale in the meat section.  That being said, if you are too timid to buy a sex toy I kinda doubt you’ll be purchasing animal cocks at the grocery store!

Ice is fun.  Grab a bowlful from the freezer, run some hot water over the cubes for a few seconds to remove any harsh edges, and slink into your room for some quiet exploration.  One by one, slip the ice into your booty until you can’t insert any more (you can also simplify the process by placing the ice in condoms).  Then, just lie back and play with yourself as usual.  You’ll enjoy the new sensation, trust me!

Bottles are okay, but stay away from glass.  If a glass bottle breaks while you are having fun you will be having fun no more…possibly ever!  Plastic is always a better alternative, but be sure to fill the container with water so that it maintains its shape during play.  Also, consider the embarrassment you will endure  if the bottle slips inside you and gets stuck.  It actually happens – I’ve heard the stories from EMS providers and ER personnel!  Practice restraint or add some sort of base so there is no chance of accidental “full insertion.”

Finally, there is always your hand.  If you are limber enough, you can slide your fingers inside your booty and give yourself a prostate massage while you are playing.  It might sound difficult, but with enough practice (and maybe some weight loss) you can make it happen.

So, you see, there are plenty of ways you can have anal-rific adventures from the safety of your home without suspicious credit card transactions, revealing phone calls from adult warehouses asking your significant other if she would like to try their new inflatable butt plug with vibrating action, or embarrassing looks from a clerk as she rings up your purchase of analease and 8″ black dildo with lifelike veins.  Disclaimer:  the above methods worked for me, but that does not mean that they are universally successful.  Take the proper precautions and ease into any new play slowly to make sure it is right for you.  Have fun, but be careful!

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10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Ky Erickson  |  June 5, 2011 at 2:37 am

    thanks so much for the home-made sextoy tips! i hope ill get a chance to try them sometime *heehee.. blushes* i knew about ice as a homemade sextoy from some experiences with my ex. she loved to crush a lil bit of ice in her mouth before giving me a BJ. it always would drive me crazy. i love it!
    long live homemade sextoys!

    • 2. sexyknees  |  June 5, 2011 at 2:40 am

      Ha! Sounds like fun!!! Let me know what you try and how it works out for you!

    • 3. sexyknees  |  June 17, 2011 at 12:05 am

      You are definitely welcome, Ky! Thank you for always commenting on my posts!!!

  • 4. kw1970  |  June 10, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Some thing you mention here are Very interesting 🙂 Have to admit, got turned on by reading this, and I would NOT mind if you and I could try some of these together Nikki ! ! ! :O) By the way,,, DAMN you look HOT in this photo ,, WOW ! ! ! Got my ,,, Attention ! ! !

  • 5. Kevin Wheeler  |  September 25, 2011 at 6:33 am

    This one really made me laugh hard. I still get red-faced but I tough it out and bear the shame and walk right in like I know everyone there. The good thing is one of the chain stores that has quite a few locations in my area has become more aware of making people feel comfortable about being there regardless of what they might be spending $65 on. Having said that I have also had to design and improvise over the years.
    In high school it was plastic cover for an animal syringe that was perfect in that it had a flared end. At 15 I was a lot smaller. 🙂 I won’t go into the number of items but needless to say necessity IS the mother of invention.

    • 6. sexyknees  |  November 29, 2011 at 2:52 pm

      Thank you so much for writing, Kevin!!! I truly appreciate you sharing with me. Yes, the atmosphere of adult stores has definitely changed over the years and the clerks are much more friendly than they used to be. I recall one time when a few friends and I went into the viewing section of an adult establishment in Raleigh and were chased down by the clerk whom loudly demanded that we would have to pay more if we were planning on staying. Mind you, this was in addition to the $10 per person required for us to enter. Since I didn’t handle the conversation I am uncertain what happened, but I do know that one of my friends paid the extra $20 the clerk was requesting. Talk about embarrassing! These days, such altercations don’t happen. The people whom run adult entertainment and toy businesses are much more customer-oriented, and this helps the buying public feel a lot better about purchasing items which in my day required a bit more…imagination!

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